Enterprise Love
by Zerya
Summary: Jim spending some time in the engineering deck as he contemplates how he had come to love the Enterprise. Pairings: Jim/Enterprise, if you would call that a pairing.


**Summary: An intimate moment between Jim and Enterprise as Jim contemplates how he had come to love her so damn much. **

**Pairings: Jim/Enterprise (if you would call that a pairing) **

**WARNING: HORRIBLE WRITING SKILLS, A BIT OF OOCNESS MAYBE, EXTREME SAPPINESS?**

**This story is inspired by the TOS episode "Corbomite Maneuver." There was scene when Jim told Bones that he's fully committed to his Enterprise and that she will always be his number one priority or somewhere along those lines. I just love the idea of him being so devoted to his ship!**

**Disclaimer: The characters and starship mentioned belong to Rodenberry, CBS, Abrams and Paramount. I'm just a lowly author with too much time on her hands.**

**I suggest listening to a sad song while reading this; because I did that while writing this and it sets the mood prefectly.**

**I don't usually write sad fics, but I was in a sad mood okay?**

**I know I'm weird. Sue me. On with the story!**

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**ENGINEERING DECK**

Jim stared at multiple warp cores emitting ethereal blue lights and released a sigh of contentment. He had just finished Alpha shift on the bridge, but instead of heading to his quarters and tackling his stacks after stacks of paperwork, he opted to go to the engineering deck for some quiet and alone time.

Being captain of a starship, he decided, is really quite taxing. If they're not on a dangerous life threatening missions then he would be doing endless amount of paperwork, if not that, then he would attend a boring diplomatic gathering, and if not, then he would be doing his _favorite_ pastime: hiding from Bones and Janice. Individually, they're scary but when you put those two together, Jim literally shits his pants in fear of their smothering tendencies. But despite all this, he still loves his job and everything that goes with it, the good, the bad and everything else in between.

The engineering deck is probably one of his favorite hiding places besides the observation deck. He could wander aimlessly for hours and never tire. If he's having a bad day, or loses crewmembers due to another _mission_, this is where he goes to grieve and no one will be able to find him. It's as if the Enterprise invites him in and holds him close to her core; similar to that of a mother's touch. She protects him from the rest of the world when he's most vulnerable and never reveals his secrets or weaknesses to anyone. Sometimes, if he listens hard enough he could almost hear her say in a warm, intimate yet still unfamiliar voice _'come my child, let me ease your worries, your pain, your sadness. Shed all the tears you've been trying to fight and take all the time you that you need, I'll always be here whenever you need me.' _

Jim took a look around and after making sure there is no other soul besides him in the vicinity, propped his elbows in one of the railings and leaned heavily against it. He promptly closed his eyes and basks in the therapeutic hum and whir of the vibrating engines teeming with energy, his body relaxing gradually over time.

He must've dozed off a little because when he opened his eyes he couldn't remember for a moment what he was doing or where he was. His back and neck felt stiff, not to mention that his elbows felt a little numb, so he drop to the ground, leaned his back against the railings and settled for a more comfortable position.

With a fond little smile, he gazed ahead of him, seeing but not really registering in his mind what he was looking at. He had a faraway look in his eyes, similar to that of a love struck fourteen year old teenage girl, but his is probably much deeper than a petty infatuation. He loves his ship, he really does. He may travel far and wide, visit beautiful worlds and new undiscovered planets; but at the end of the day, he'll always seek out the Enterprise's warm embrace. Earth is his planet of origin; he can't change that, but the Enterprise will always be his home.

With a sad smile, Jim visited his memories of how he had come to love this lady.

**FLASHBACKS**

When he was a child, he often wondered why his mother never stayed long enough on Earth. He supposed it's because she felt closer to his dead father out there in space, he didn't really hate her for leaving him all the time because in a way he sort of understood. Late at night he would sneak out of the house and just run in the wide open fields Iowa has to offer; one of the advantages of not living in the city is that he could see the cosmic wonders visibly in the clear night sky, unmarred by light pollution.

Contrary to popular belief, Pike wasn't the only one who dared him to do better; he wasn't the first one to _dare_ him to do better. All those nights long ago, he was so young when the stars, like a siren's voice called to him. Million points of light against the black void of backdrop, taunted him, haunted him, _enticed_ him with their brilliance.

It went on like that for years; he would seek out the stars' presence in the middle of the night. And they—as always—would leave him breathless, but, as beautiful as they were; they were also painfully cruel. They provoked him, challenged him, _dared_ him to stake his claim on them because _they _somehow _knew_ that he's restless and had no intention of staying earthbound for so long. He reaches out for them; he's so close yet so far, frustration radiating from his very being as he cried out _'how, how can I go up there? I want to—but I can't!' _He couldn't. Remnants of his father's presence and legend will overshadow him if he did. So he abated the call of the stars for a little while longer.

The second dare arrived during his junior year in high school, and it came in the form of a Starfleet proposal. He was reading the digitalized version of the morning papers in his PADD when he came across it. It says that Starfleet had bought many acres of land somewhere in Riverside and had asked the city's planning department to oversee their plans for that parcel of land and hopefully have the city council approve of said plans. Details will be presented before the council members in the next city council meeting, and since the meeting was open to the public Jim attended out of curiosity, what would Starfleet want with a humdrum state like Iowa anyways, much less a humdrum town like Riverside?

He was surprised to learn that Starfleet wants to utilize the land for the construction of a new starship; unfortunately, Starfleet refused to disclose any more details besides what is necessary. But for a genius like Jim, it didn't take long to hack into the city's mainframe computer and search the database for any information pertaining to the new starship.

And so, every day after school, he would go to the shipyard and just watch, watch as the ship evolved before his very eyes. He had watched her grow and had seen her in all her stages of development that he almost begun calling her _his_ ship. And just like the stars, she was demanding; she dared him to assert himself as her rightful owner _'come boy, think you can handle me?'_ He wanted to. He desperately wanted to prove himself to her that if there is anyone out there who can rein her in, it would be him and no one else.

At night, he would drive to the shipyard and simply watch the night sky alongside the Enterprise. It's become to be quite a routine actually, almost like a date; as silly as that sounds. He would look at the wide expanse of stars and then take little glances at the Enterprise, and he would whisper to her softly _'maybe someday we'll see each other up there huh girl?'_ too afraid to make any promises he's not sure he'll be able to follow.

Sometimes he wondered if he was a masochist because he knew that loving the stars and the Enterprise pains him greatly, especially the latter. Both their company proved to be quite overwhelming for him; the onslaught of feelings of disappointment and uselessness rendered him weeping helplessly. But try as he might he couldn't resist their pull; so he kept coming back and left aching and feeling empty.

The third dare came in the form of Christopher Pike. And that dare… was the dare that finally broke the camel's back. When Pike asked him to enlist in Starfleet and to do better than his father, he feigned indifference and distaste for anything involving his father. But in truth, he had to drink alcohol just to keep his body from trembling with want and desire to jump up and scream at Pike that he accepts and that he will do more than just _'do better'_ than his father. He will fucking outshine him in any way possible. There, he had made up his mind.

And if there are fools out there who chooses to liken him to his father, well then. He'll just have to take everything they throw at him in stride and throw it back at them with such force enough to send them careening at the edge of the solar system's heliosphere.

But before he leaves Iowa, he needed to say goodbye to his girl, needs to spend one last moment with the Enterprise. So he went to her in the early hours of the morning, before the sun made its presence known, before the annoying recruits' arrival, before the noises of working personnel interrupts their time together, before he began his new life in Starfleet and end his old life with her, if only temporary.

She looked so magnificent he wondered how she'll look once she's soaring through space, her natural habitat. Then he told her everything that happened the night before and how he had come to the decision of joining Starfleet. He told her everything he wanted to say all those years ago but never had the courage or the strength to do so.

'_I'll be leaving for a while, but it's only temporary'_

'_Wait for me okay girl? I'll come back to you'_

'_I'll work hard till I'm strong enough to face you once again'_

'_Goodbye…I'll miss you…until we meet again'_

He said those things to her with the words _I promise_ left unsaid because he knows she already understood him. Then he promised himself that he'll work hard to finish his studies earlier in no more than three years, hoping it'll raise his chances of being with her again.

James T. Kirk does not make promises lightly. And he had every pure and genuine intention of following through everything he had said that day.

And throughout his Academy days; she became his main incentive, his goal and all the motivation that he needs.

Three years later…

When he saw her once again at the space dock, it took all of his self control not to tear up at the sight of her. Even under the effects of multiple drugs (courtesy of Bones), is not enough to stop him from admiring her beauty.

She had kept her end of the deal; she was finished, ready and waiting patiently for him.

When all is said and done and after defeating Nero, when it seems like imminent death is staring at them from the depths of that back hole, something, somewhere in the back of his mind tells him everything is going to be alright and they're going to make it out okay.

And that's all the reassurance he needed; after quelling his fear and getting his bearings together, he ordered for Scotty to "give it all she's got" and more. He has put all of his blind faith and trust into the Enterprise even though he had only been acquainted with her for such a short amount of time. He felt proud of her —and he still does— because if there is any starship out there that can resist the gravitational forces of a black hole and produce an escape velocity greater than the speed of light, it's his Enterprise.

And if he heard a soft whisper of _'don't worry, leave everything up to me,' _well, let's just say he didn't say anything about it.

**END OF FLASHBACKS**

Jim was brought out of his musings by the sound of his chronometer, indicating it is now time for him to head up to his quarters and start on that paperwork unless he wants to once again, get his head chopped off by his First Officer; because procrastinating is _highly_ illogical. Jim winced at the memory; Spock can be terrifying if he wants too despite his cool and collected demeanor.

He made a move to stand up and stretched his stiff limbs, but before heading out, he took look around and put both his hands on the railing. Then out of nowhere, he said in a sotto voce "you're a beautiful dream manifesting my reality you know." He ducked and shook his head at that letting out a delightful laugh "look at me, two years into our voyage and I'm still undeniably in love with you," he looked up and turned to the direction of the turbolift.

Once inside and before the door closes, he whispered "see you later girl…"

'_I will be waiting, goodbye for now, Jim…'_

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**There, done! Tell me what you guys think, because I don't think I did enough justice portraying Jim and the Enterprise's relationship. I feel like I rushed through it and I feel absolutely lousy about that. This time, I give you guys my formal consent to flame me as you see fit. **


End file.
